It is Friday night and I am so thankful that this week is over. For the past few months, my depression and anxiety were almost non-existent. However, this week has been rough. First we had to make a hard family decision which resulted in losing a pet, then I had to get my meningitis vaccine (ouch!) and some blood tests. Today, I got those blood tests back and turns out, I really need to make some lifestyle changes to get my health back on track. These all may sound like minor things, but when you suffer from depression and anxiety, sometimes that's all it takes.
The stigma behind mental health is one of the things that gets on my nerves the most. Mental health is just as important (if not more) than physical health. If you don't have the mental strength to get out of bed, your physical health will just get worse, not to mention the physical toll stress has on your body! Pain can be caused from depression, anxiety, or stress. With that said, it is still pain whether it is caused by mental health or not. Pain is the body's way of letting you know something is wrong inside and when I hear that my fellow endo sisters have been told the pain is "just in your head," it breaks my heart. Sure, it is caused by mental health, but THEY ARE STILL HURTING.
When you suffer from depression and/or anxiety, it stays with you. Some days you feel great and are able to do anything and everything. Then there are the bad days. Those are the days where any small inconvenience or mishap can send you into full blown panic attack or a depressive state. I remember one time, it was middle school so you know it was already a breeding ground for mishaps, I was having a rough day, and when I couldn't peel my banana, I started crying. People thought I was ridiculous and funny and I was teased about it for years by my friends. I don't hold it against them because we can't expect people to understand. I wasn't really crying about the banana. I was crying about everything.
Anxiety and panic attacks are different for different people. I know many people who have trouble breathing and can't talk and just cut themselves off from society until it passes. For me, I get really hot in the face and sweat, and if it's really bad, I cry and stay in bed for a few days. I have read a few books about a character with anxiety and they way they explain it is amazing: anxiety is like a guy who follows you around all day everyday and points out everything that could go even slightly wrong and pesters you about it.
Depression, especially when you start to get better, is a vicious cycle. Things that haven't been bothering me for months have popped into my head multiple times this week. When one sad thought gets in my head, all the previous sad thoughts come rushing back. It can get overwhelming. I guess that's why I am writing this blog... catharsis.
If you suffer from depression or anxiety (currently or in a good place right now), please do not be ashamed. You need to listen to your body and it is not a bad thing to ask for help... actually it is a good thing. It shows you care enough about yourself to do what you need to do to feel better. I scheduled an appointment with my therapist today and I haven't seen her for months. That is kind of humbling.
These blogs are definitely an excuse to rant, but even if this blog can help ONE person, it is well worth it!
Stay strong out there guys and if you would like to share your story, feel free to use the email on the bottom of the page! I would love to write a blog with you to raise awareness of female and mental health!
It is okay to not be okay sometimes!
I decided to start a blog because my mental and physical conditions are constantly changing, and I want to help encourage people with similar experiences, and let them know they are not alone.