One of the hardest things about having Endo is feeling emotionally and physically exhausted for hours (or even days) after even a small activity. I miss a lot of school because of this; I go to school one day, then for the next two days, I feel as if I haven't slept in days and I was hit by a truck. This can really bring my mood down. I usually stay somewhat positive about my condition and tell myself that someday it won't control my life and I will feel better, but these past few days have been rough.
Sometimes it may feel like nobody is there for you. I feel that way quite often. You think, "nobody really understands what I am going through," or sometimes, you can even feel guilty for talking about your disease. My disease is not who I am, but it IS a part of me, and I want to inform people about what is going on because I believe that this stigma behind talking about periods needs to stop existing, but when I try, I feel as if everyone, even my friends, are so sick of me talking about it. Eventually, I start yelling at myself and despising myself for bringing it up, and I hate that.
Some days it feels like the pain will never end. On good days I feel like I was only hit by a car and not by a truck. The pain can happen any day and at any time, not to mention how completely random the spot the pain is located is. Sometimes I will wake up in the middle of the night because my ankles hurt. How does a reproductive disease make my ankles hurt? Or my elbows? Or my head? Nothing makes sense some days, and that is hard to explain to people.
My heart is wired to make me feel as if I have to help the people I see struggling. This just adds fuel to the fire that is my depression. When someone I love is feeling sad, it hurts me that I cannot help them. The same goes for the 10 million women in the United States alone that are struggling like I am.
Between the multiple symptoms, no sleep, depression, stress, and loneliness, life can be pretty rough. My goal in life is to be what I didn't have when I needed it: someone who understands. Fellow endo strugglers, you are not alone. I hear you. All of your pain is real, and I completely understand. We can't always make it to everything, but that shouldn't stop us from being proud of ourselves when we can go to work, make dinner, or even some days, get out of bed. Yes, life with endo (or any chronic illness) can suck, but as long as we have each other, it can't suck too bad. You are not alone, and there will always be someone who understands.
Stay strong. It will get better.
I decided to start a blog because my mental and physical conditions are constantly changing, and I want to help encourage people with similar experiences, and let them know they are not alone.