First of all, I can NOT believe that even after not posting for 4 months, I am still getting over 150 views a week! When I started this blog I thought the only people reading it would be my family. Now 150 strangers a week are visiting my blog! I hope I am giving some relief to those who come here in hopes of finding a similar story to theirs. I know that hearing other stories about endo really helped me through the 7 years of horrific pain.
I haven' t posted since my surgery in February... because I have been doing great!! I am in full remission! However, even though the endometriosis is healing, I still have to keep my health in mind every day. Not only do I need to make sure I am taking my meds to prevent the endo from coming back and to treat my interstitial cystitis, but I struggle every day with the aftermath of so many years of pain. Earlier this summer, after not using my back muscles for so long, I ended up throwing my pelvis out of place after only a few hours of laying mulch at work. I have to build my strength up now that I feel good enough to exercise, which I have been working hard at.
Not only are there physical repercussions, but mental ones as well. I have never had a teenage life. I started having pain at 11 and I spent the next 7 years staying in bed all day every day. It is weird to make plans and feel good enough to actually go to them. A few days ago I drove to Holland to meet my best friend Nick from school. We had planned it weeks in advance. When the day came around, I got in the car and drove there, and we had a great day! I did have a little bit of nausea, but if we would have tried to make plans last year at this time, I would have cancelled without a doubt.
There is this theory that people with chronic illnesses know a lot about. It is called the Spoon Theory. Basically the main idea is that we start the day with a certain amount of "spoons" and every action takes at least one spoon to complete. For example, I start my day with 10 spoons. After showering and getting ready for the day, I only have 7 spoons left. Then I go to school which is another 6 spoons gone. I get home and I have 1 spoon left. What do I spend it on? Cooking dinner and doing the dishes? Homework? Cleaning? I can only pick one. Therefore as a result two things that I need to do are not getting done. If it is a good day, I can borrow a spoon from the next day, but then I will only have 9 spoons to start with in the morning, making the day even harder. You can learn more about the Spoon Theory here: link
The biggest struggle I have been dealing with this summer has been my weight. After being in menopause for 2 years, I gained about 30 lbs. I started to notice that I wouldn't look at myself when I walked by mirrors and I would do whatever it took to not be in pictures, or at least my body. It was really hard on my mental health. Now I cannot blame my endo or menopause or any other pain. Now, the only thing I have to blame is myself. I started working out and eating healthier, and now I have lost 13 out of those 30 lbs that I gained and I am not stopping yet!! I am not only looking better but feeling better mentally and physically. I will let my friends photograph me and won't go out of my way to avoid mirrors. I am finally getting back to my old self.
Being in remission sounds great, and it is for the most part. However, the consequences of living 7 years with endometriosis and depression still affects my daily life. I am working hard every day to get back to as normal a life as I can. I wouldn't have made it this far if it weren't for my family (no surprise there, I am always writing about them). However, I have made so many new friends now that I feel good enough to be social, and they are the best friends I have ever had. Nothing makes me happier than being able to live life as an 18 year old instead of feeling like I'm 108!
Knowing people are still willing to read what started out as a way to get all my feelings out makes me feel so great. I love you all.
I decided to start a blog because my mental and physical conditions are constantly changing, and I want to help encourage people with similar experiences, and let them know they are not alone.