February 18, 2017

Since I came off my medication, I have been going downhill. My pain is back, which means so is my depression. I am back in therapy once a week and I've started taking antidepressants again. I was doing so well for so long and all of a sudden my back pain came back, and strong. That hit me hard. I went from taking no pills for seven months, to taking 10+ every day. I have to take medicine for my stomach so I can eat, medicine for pain, antidepressant, and a hormone to suppress my estrogen levels to control my Endo. 

Recently I have realized what was bringing me extra sadness, and got rid of it. That helped a lot. I also went back to the specialist who said that there's still a lot of hope, and we're not even close to being done with my options. That also helped a lot. If these new meds don't work well enough, I have other options. I can try different forms of birth control (since I've tried the pill multiple times with no success), or I can try a different hormone. 

As for my bladder, I have four medications to try for a month each before the urologist would consider another hydro-distention (the bladder procedure that helped temporarily). I tried the first pill a while ago and nothing changed, so last night I started the next pill on the list. We failed to let my urologist know I was taking an antidepressant, and when I had a slight reaction to the new pill, I realized that this pill for my bladder is not supposed to be taken with my antidepressant. It was kind of scary. My whole body itched like crazy and my face swelled up. Obviously, I am not taking that anymore, so we have to start the third medication soon. 

School is the second hardest part of all of this (after my back pain). I have been missing more and more school. Not only does the back pain keep me up all night and keeps me in bed all day, the depression makes it really hard to go to school too. Then I get stressed that I am missing school and that makes my mental health worse. Thankfully, my school is wonderful about all of this. My principal said I am allowed to get up and walk, or do stretches, or change positions anytime I want. I also have gotten my math class online so I can keep up with the work from home. I love math and taking it online has really helped keep my stress levels down. 

The beginning of February was hard, but I have been slowly getting better and hope to continue feeling better.